Relationships with our significant other, children, family, friends, and co-workers can be the greatest source of joy.
However, all relationships have an ebb and flow. What does that mean? Relationships have a natural recurrent or rhythmical pattern of coming and going, decline, and regrowth. It’s a natural process yet can sometimes create uncomfortable, lonely, or sad emotions.
The first step is accepting that there will be times in all of our close relationships that will be difficult. This can range from a simple disagreement to a full-blown argument.
Sometimes relationships simply run their course and it’s in everyone’s best interest to sever ties. But, not all relationships are doomed just because you had a disagreement, or because things don’t seem as exciting to you as they once were.
Just like every person has their own unique qualities and characteristics, the same holds true for every relationship. No two relationships are alike, so you should always avoid comparing others’ relationships.
For instance, any parent will quickly tell you the relationship they have with each of their children is different and the relationship between a child and each parent is also different.
How we choose to approach the moments in relationships when we are challenged, by a decline in connection or excitement, can make all of the difference in maintaining healthy long-term relationships.
It’s easy to make a relationship work in happy times, but the real challenge is staying committed to the relationship when the waters are rough. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help in these difficult moments.
5 Ways to Maintain Healthy Relationships
1. Use open and clear communication
If something is bothering you it is important to share it. Don’t expect the person to know what you are thinking or feeling. Finding the right moment to discuss heavier topics is equally important. You wouldn’t want to have a deep discussion if you both are busy. Ask to set a time to talk and use that time to share your feelings.
It’s also important to remain calm and use clear statements with no accusations. Using a statement such as “When (this) happens, I feel (this)” can get the conversation started. It’s non-accusatory and clearly states your thoughts.
It’s also often a good idea to give closure to the discussion by agreeing to a plan or steps moving forward. What will each of you do in the future to rectify the situation? It may actually happen again because let’s face it, we are all human. If it does, give a gentle reminder of what you both agreed upon.
2. Assume the positive intentions
When you are feeling down or something is bothering you, feelings of loneliness or being misunderstood can creep into your thoughts. These are moments when it’s important to practice mindfulness and positive affirmations.
Remind yourself that the person is most likely not intentionally trying to upset you. They may not even be aware that what they are doing or saying is bothering you. Assume they care about you and would not intentionally want to hurt you in any way. This also helps eliminate the chance of using accusations in the conversation, which are never a good idea and are rarely beneficial to a relationship.
3. Be present
When you are with someone important in your life, be present and live in the moment. Give them your full attention. If they are sharing their thoughts and feelings with you, stop what you are doing and let them know you are listening. This sends the message that you value them. Maybe agree to no phones or other distractions during certain moments when you are together.
4. Listen
Listening is truly a skill that you should practice in all of your relationships. Sometimes you may say you are listening, but are you really?
When having a discussion with someone close to you, it’s important for you to have the opportunity to voice your thoughts and feelings, but it’s also important for the other person to have the same opportunity.
While they are speaking, listen to what they are saying. Don’t start thinking of a “come back” or “challenge” to their comment. Listen. Use a notepad to jot down notes if you want to remember a thought when it’s your turn to share. Acknowledge what they are saying and validate that you heard them. Clarify comments if needed. This can help you avoid further conflicts.
Everyone wants to be heard and validated by those they care about.
5. Set boundaries
All relationships need boundaries. The hardest part is knowing what your boundaries are. Take time to sit and reflect on what you want or expect from a relationship. This is true for all close relationships.
You have certain expectations whether you have acknowledged them or not. Write down your expectations for the relationship. If you find some expectations that you don’t feel are being met, ignored, or something you know you can’t tolerate, then you should initiate a discussion about it.
Some things you may find can be resolved, and some may not. You will need to determine what you are willing to live with and what you can’t. It’s okay. A relationship should be a source of comfort, and joy and enhance your life.
Try incorporating these tips into your communication with those that you care about. Avoiding stressful times in any relationship is difficult but clear and honest communication can help the tough times not so tough!