What does bumper bowling have to do with talking to your daughter about women’s health? It may be one of the best parenting moves you can make.
Raising a daughter is one of the greatest joys of my life and I can honestly say that I have enjoyed, for the most part, every stage from birth to mid-twenties. However, complete transparency here, the teenage years do in fact give you a run for your money!
My philosophy has always been that while I was the mother and guardian for a period of my daughter’s life, responsible for guiding, protecting, and nurturing her, it is not my responsibility or right to tell her what to do, how to act or whom to associate with socially. She is a human being with her own characteristics, likes, dislikes, and abilities. It is my job, however, to provide her with information and the skill set to become a problem solver, understanding how to evaluate the pros and cons in situations before deciding.
I always viewed it as my job to “guide” her along the way to develop her unique talents, and not expect her to be a clone of me or someone I thought she should be. Although, genetically, she does look an awful lot like me! Here’s where the bumper bowling analogy comes into play! My husband and I were the bumpers. Slowly as she grew older, we would drop the bumpers and let her “bowl” on her own. Sometimes the bumpers had to come back up…aka mostly during the teenage years! Being a parent is for life, so there will be times, even though your child is grown and maybe even has a family
of her own when she’s going to need your guidance or advice at some point.
One of the most important lessons I discovered along the way is that having open, non-judgmental, and honest discussions, no matter how awkward, is incredibly important for many reasons. First, the conversations help to build a trusting relationship between mother and daughter so that when the time comes to have the tough conversations and trust me, they will come, your daughter will feel more comfortable and secure talking to you.
When children are included in discussions and decision-making at an early age, they slowly learn to develop their own problem-solving skills and self-confidence. This all takes time and can begin with very simple decisions when they are young like what they would like to wear, which activity they’d like to participate in, or where the family goes on vacation. The decisions get a little more difficult as they get older such as what courses to take to take in high school, socializing with certain groups of friends, or choosing a college.
Women’s Health
Creating a safe and trusting relationship with your daughter when she is young, and creating a relationship where she understands you will be there, her bumpers when needed, can make the tougher conversations, like women’s health, a little easier.
Women’s health is a vitally important topic to begin talking to your daughter about beginning pre-puberty. The more knowledgeable they are about their bodies and health needs, the more empowered they will be to self-advocate in medical situations, asking questions and clarifying when needed.
For decades, although I believe it’s getting better, women’s health concerns have been lumped into the same category as men’s health
and that is incredibly frustrating, confusing, and sometimes detrimental to women seeking medical care. Communicating with your daughter about her body and health can help to eliminate confusion and clear up any misinformation she may have gotten from other sources.
Throughout your daughter’s life, there are many topics that should be discussed dependent on age appropriateness. Knowing when to have these discussions can be tricky. Here’s a list of some topics you should be prepared to talk about with your daughter.
Pre-Puberty to age 18
1. Body Changes
2. Menstrual Cycle
3. Healthy hygiene
4. Gynecological Visits
5. Birth Control
6. STD’s
7. Safety precautions in social situations
8. How diet and exercise can impact hormones
9. Sexuality
Age 18+
1. Routine gyno visits
2. Routine self-breast exams
3. Healthy Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships (it’s important for them to know the difference)
4. Hormones and how they impact your mood, brain, heart, thyroid, and bones.
5. Pregnancy and What to Expect.
6. Postpartum Health
7. Perimenopause
8. Menopause
Before starting a conversation with your daughter, think about what you will talk about and do it in very small chunks, so you don’t overwhelm her with information. And note to self, she may appear embarrassed, and say she doesn’t want to talk, but odds are she will secretly welcome the information and be grateful. Although, don’t hold your breath for her to thank you at that moment! That will come years later. 🙂
Also, you shouldn’t feel like you need to sit down and discuss a specific topic and that’s it, you’re done. The conversation may be ongoing with your daughter coming back a couple of weeks later and saying, “Hey, remember the other day we talked about hormones? I have another question.” It’s natural for her to take the information, process it a bit and then formulate follow-up questions. That’s actually a great thing!
I feel strongly that young women should be educated about their bodies, sexuality, and women’s health needs armed with resources and the self-confidence to advocate for themselves. My wish is for every young woman, all women, to have another woman, a mother, health care professional, friend, or mentor with whom they can have an open discussion about their unique health concerns. Talking about it with another woman is often reassuring, comforting, and helpful. We can learn so much from other women!
So, if you have a young woman in your life, that may need some women’s health guidance, be the bowling lane bumpers for them! Together we are stronger!
Contributor: Nicole Irish, Ed.D.