Raising my daughter is one of the greatest joys of my life. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed, for the most part, every stage from birth to mid-twenties. However, complete transparency here, the teenage years do give you a run for your money!
For a period of my daughter’s life I was her mother and guardian. I was responsible for guiding, protecting, and nurturing her. As a parent, my philosophy has always been that it is not my responsibility or right to tell her what to do, how to act or whom to associate with socially. She is a human being with her own characteristics, likes, dislikes, and abilities. However, it is my job to provide her with information and the skill set to become a problem solver, understanding how to evaluate the pros and cons in situations before deciding.
I have always viewed parenting as “guiding” rather than “telling.” I tried to encourage and guide her along the way to develop her unique talents, not expecting her to be a clone of me or someone I thought she should be. Although, genetically, she does look an awful lot like me! Here’s where the bumper bowling analogy comes into play! My husband and I were the bumpers. Slowly as she grew older, we would drop the bumpers and let her “bowl” on her own. Sometimes the bumpers had to come back up…aka mostly during the teenage years! Being a parent is for life, so there will be times, even though your child is grown, and maybe even has a family of her own, when she’s going to need your guidance or advice at some point.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is having open, non-judgmental, and honest discussions, no matter how awkward, is incredibly important for many reasons. First, the conversations help to build a trusting relationship between mother and daughter. This bond is important when the time comes to have tough conversations. Trust me, they will come! Establishing a trusting relationship will help your daughter feel more comfortable and secure talking to you.
Children who are included in discussions and decision-making at an early age will slowly develop problem-solving skills and self-confidence. It’s good to begin with very simple decisions such as selecting clothes to wear, choosing an activity, or selecting where the family goes on vacation. The decisions get a little more difficult as they get older. These decisions might include selecting high school courses, socializing with certain groups of friends, or choosing a college.
Women’s Health
Creating a safe and trusting relationship with your daughter, acting as her “bumpers” when needed, can make the tougher conversations, like women’s health, a little easier.
Women’s health is a vitally important topic to begin talking to your daughter about beginning pre-puberty. The more knowledgeable they are about their bodies and health needs, the more empowered they will be to self-advocate in medical situations, asking questions and clarifying when needed.
For decades, although I believe it’s getting better, women’s health concerns have been lumped into the same category as men’s health. This can be incredibly frustrating, confusing, and sometimes detrimental to women seeking medical care. Communicating with your daughter about her body and health can help eliminate confusion and clear up any misinformation she may have gotten from other sources.
Throughout your daughter’s life, there are many topics that should be discussed dependent on age appropriateness. Knowing when to have these discussions can be tricky. Here’s a list of some topics you should be prepared to talk about with your daughter.
Pre-Puberty to age 18
- Body Changes
- Menstrual Cycle
- Healthy hygiene
- Gynecological Visits
- Birth Control
- STD’s
- Safety precautions in social situations
- How diet and exercise can impact hormones
- Sexuality
Age 18+
Avoid overwhelming your daughter with information by planning the conversation and breaking it into small chunks. She may appear embarrassed at first and appear as though she doesn’t want to talk. However, odds are she will secretly welcome the information and be grateful. Although, don’t hold your breath for her to thank you at that moment! That will come years later. 🙂
Also, you shouldn’t feel like you need to sit down, discuss a topic in its entirety and you’re done. The conversation may be ongoing. Your daughter may return a couple of weeks later and say, “Hey, remember the other day we talked about hormones? I have another question.” It’s natural for her to take the information, process it a bit, and then formulate follow-up questions. That’s actually a great thing!
Young women need to be educated about their bodies, sexuality, and women’s health. The best gift is to help arm them with resources and the self-confidence to advocate for themselves. My wish is for every young woman to have another woman with whom they can have an open discussion about their unique health concerns. Talking about it with another woman is often reassuring, comforting, and helpful. We can learn so much from other women!
So, if you have a young woman in your life that may need some women’s health guidance, be the bowling lane bumpers for them! Together we are stronger!